Omg! These hilarious Mugabe quotes will surely make your day and leave you laughing so hard you may even pee on your pants.
President of Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe
Zimbabweās president Robert Mugabe who has been in power for 29 years and still refused to relinquish it has become yet another thing of jest as many blame him for the woes of his country.
According to , here is a compiled list of jokes allegedly attributed to the president that will make you laugh and pee in your pants.
They are an odd choice of words and crazy comparisons that always leaves many in stitches. The off-the-wall quotable quotes linger on the mind for long. There are many random hilarious quotes that have been attributed to the octogenarian.
Sample the following:
1.) āTreat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow.ā
2.) āSome womenās legs are like rumours, they just keep on spreading.ā
3.) āItās hard to bewitch African girls these days because each time you take a piece from her hair to the witchdoctor, either an innocent Brazilian woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire.ā
4.) āItās better for a man to be stingy with the money he has hustled for, than for a woman to deny you a hole that she didnāt even drill it herself.ā
5.) āDonāt fight over girlfriends. This country is full of beautiful women. If you canāt get one, come to Mugabe for assistance.ā
6.) āIf you are ugly; you are ugly ā stop talking about inner beauty because we donāt walk around with X-ray machines to determine such claims.ā
7.) āDear sister, donāt be deceived by a man who text you āI miss youā only when itās raining. You are not an umbrella.ā
8.) āCheck your girlfriendās body, if she has more tattoos or piercings, you can cheat on her. She is already used to pain.ā
9.) āSome of you girls canāt even jog for five minutes, but expect a guy to last in bed with you for two hours? Madness! Your level of selfishness demands a one-week salvation crusade.ā
10.) āGod is the best inventor ever. He took a rib from a man and created a loudspeaker!ā
11.) āIf women think having their periods (menstruation) in a whole month is a difficult task, they should ask the men how difficult it is to control an erect (memeber) in public.ā
12.) āSometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real.ā
13.) When debate on homosexuality hit fever pitch some time back, with US president Barack Obama championing for the rights of gay men, good old āBobā scoffed: āIf President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first.ā
14.) As if that wasnāt enough, he threw in yet another deft claim: āEven Satan wasnāt gay, at the Garden of Eden, he chose to approach unclad Eve instead of unclad Adam.ā
15.) On the numerous rumours about his death, the octogenarian is rumoured to have once quipped: āI have died many times. I have actually beaten Jesus Christ because he only died onceā.
16.) When Western envoys threatened to slap sanctions on Zimbabwe a while back, a furious āMugabeā is quoted to have hissed: āWe donāt mind having sanctions banning us from Europe. We are not Europeans, after allā.
17.) On the economy comrade Bob was once quoted as having said: āOur economy is a hundred times better than most African countries. Outside South Africa, which other country has a better economy than Zimbabwe? The only thing we lack are good on shelves and money in our pockets ā thatās it.ā
18.) When reading Western leaders the riot act in the past, Bob, in a fit of fury, is quoted as having once said: āThe only white man you can trust is a dead oneā. āYou come take gold and leave holes in my country, no!ā .